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Asuma

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[Sunday
3/5 @ 6:34 pm
]
[ mood | lonely ]

I need to get out more. Really.

0 cigarettes

[Friday
12/9 @ 11:42 pm
]
[ mood | frustrated ]

It's so goddamn cold out, and no one's around anymore. Shikamaru hasn't been by to talk to me... and...

I should go talk to Tsunade-sama about missions, or teaching. Something. I need to fucking pull myself together.

0 cigarettes

[Thursday
11/10 @ 7:12 am
]
[ mood | discontent ]

Da fuck. Mission... heh. If he says so. I know he wouldn't lie to me, of all people. Lying is 'troublesome', right?

I'm up way too fucking early, but after I get past the extreme drunken part of the night, I can sleep normally. I guess I'll go and train. I'm sure he'll be looking for me today...

In other very strange news, there seems to be a new girl in town. I know I haven't seen her face before, though she seemed VERY familiar... heh. She wanted to come to the pub with me. Too bad I had other things on my mind.

0 cigarettes

[Friday
10/14 @ 10:27 am
]
[ mood | hopeful ]

4 days. And Shikamaru has been totally absent. Oh well, it's not like I should have expected anything... he's busy, and I haven't been speaking to many of my other friends...

I'll just take some more missions to keep me busy, so I can ignore things.

4 cigarettes

[Monday
10/3 @ 1:54 pm
]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I've decided I'm going to try out a few missions... I still haven't gotten assigned to a new team, and the chuunin exams are coming up so Shikamaru is busy... and if I don't DO something, all I'm doing is training and drinking. Not very compelling, at all. Y_Y

0 cigarettes

[Private] [Wednesday
9/21 @ 5:21 pm
]
[ mood | drunk ]

Tomorrow is Shikamaru's birthday. I'll have to plan something nice. I don't really know what he likes, really... maybe... I'll buy him a really nice shogi set. And... take him out to dinner. Yeah, that'll work.

I hear Ibiki is pissed at Iruka now. I wonder what he said to him. XD I wonder if Shikamaru can find out. >)

[Private] [Tuesday
8/30 @ 10:46 pm
]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Shikamaru and I have talked about doing... different things... during sex. We decided, though, that there's some things to do while drunk, and some to do while sobor...

Shikamaru looks great tied up. Really... fucking great. We're going to try asphyxiation next. Can't fucking wait.

I had a really fucked up dream the other night. Shikamaru and Jiraiya-sama... ugh. I don't know where that came from, except from Iruka's continual questions. Well, Iruka... he now knows that Shikamaru and I are fucking. Does it matter anymore? I don't think so.

[Private] [Thursday
8/25 @ 3:59 pm
]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

I can't believe that Iruka told me that he's interested in me. After everything... him and Jiraiya-sama, then Jiraiya-sama and him splitting, and him saying he's still carrying a torch for Jiraiya-sama... and then he's interested in me? He knows I'm not into relationships, and... well, I'd hate to tell him that after all the problems he's broadcasting to have had with Jiraiya-sama, no one is going to want to jump into a relationship with him, especially because Jiraiya-sama is so... stable, and... well, he's Jiraiya-sama! And plus, he seems really upset over breaking up with Iruka. Iruka says he wants to 'move on' though. How do you really move on? There's no fucking way, not if you really love someone. Okay, maybe I'm not someone who is qualified to say that kind of thing, huh? ^_^;;;;

[Wednesday
8/17 @ 2:00 pm
]
[ mood | relieved ]

I'm back in Konoha. For good. The reasons I left... well, all of those stupid reasons have been resolved, in one way or another, and so I will be permanently in Konoha now.

Shikamaru did a great job of taking care of my apartment for the month or so that I was gone... I'll have to buy him dinner to make up for that. And I think I owe him a bottle of liquor, too. Hehe.

I didn't realize how much I've missed Konoha. Not just sleeping in my own bed, or being able to get the good kind of cigarettes... but it's just... home. I'm glad I'm home.

0 cigarettes

[Private] [Monday
8/8 @ 12:20 am
]
[ mood | relaxed ]

I'm in Grass Country. Is there much to say about that? It's very nice here... peaceful. I'll be visiting Hidden Rain before I head back to Konoha... and I think I'll be taking my time...

[Private] [Friday
7/29 @ 11:03 pm
]
[ mood | rushed ]

Ah, so here I am in Earth Country. I'm going to spend a few days in Iwa... then head through Waterfall Country... but then I'm going to avoid Sound... like the plague. I'll go through Grass and Rain before heading back to Konoha. I'm finding... I miss being home. Dreadfully. And not just because I can't get the cigarettes I like anywhere else. XD

[Private] [Monday
7/25 @ 7:37 pm
]
[ mood | happy ]

Suna is AWESOME. Great hospitality. Having the time of my life, really, I think I'll stay another week. >_> I'm feeling much better in general. Maybe... I might even just skip the tour of Tea Country and all and just... go home. I would have to get my keys back from Shikamaru, and I don't know if he even wants to talk to me ever again... eh, fuck it, I'm keeping to my tour. Sigh.

[Private] [Friday
7/22 @ 11:25 pm
]
[ mood | wistful ]

I'll be in Suna the day after tomorrow. I had no idea that the Wind Country was so beautiful. I wish I could capture the image of the sun setting over the desert.

I really miss Konoha, though. I miss my friends... my apartment... I really miss shogi with Shikamaru. I wonder if he's still upset with me. I'm sure he's completely pissed off, but... there's nothing I can really do right now. I just hope that in time he... forgets.

[Private] [Wednesday
7/20 @ 10:06 am
]
[ mood | worried ]

Wow, I didn't even think I would get to update this thing, but here I am in River Country and this inn (I was lucky to FIND an inn) had internet access! So... this is interesting. I thought I would travel through Wind Country, then go up into Earth Country... I'm not wearing my forehead protector because I'm trying to avoid looking like a target, you know? Although... I can defend myself spectacularly if needed. Even though... I'm traveling sneakily, and it's not like anyone is looking for me. XD Well, anyway, I'm fine. I think... now that I'm walking around and working things out for myself, of course... that I'm going to give myself a grand walking tour... it'll probably be about a month... and then I'll return to Konoha. I'm glad I left myself that option by talking to Tsunade-sama... but as far any anyone else knows, I'm not coming back. Maybe Kurenai can attach to someone else while I'm gone... and maybe Shikamaru's life will return to normal. We'll see, I guess...

[Sunday
7/17 @ 9:04 pm
]
[ mood | stressed ]

Wow, I fucked up. Badly. I totally suck. I lost a friend because of how much I suck, really.

I think... I think maybe it would be better if I just... left Konoha. Actually, I'm packing a bag to bring with me right now.

Y_Y

0 cigarettes

[Private] [Wednesday
7/6 @ 9:56 pm
]
[ mood | grumpy ]

This is getting to be rediculous. Well, I can't fuck Kurenai anymore... she's getting so insistant about dating and relationship and when she said the m-word I got dizzy and nauseated... it's not just that she's so ATTACHED it's also that I am afraid she'll get pregnant on purpose. Women do that, you know. Ugh.

Now I'm rediculously aggravated. Maybe I should just swear off women. But... I don't want to... >_>;;

More and more I'm glad Shikamaru and I have what we do. In fact... we're due to play shogi... tomorrow. Excellent. ^___^

[Wednesday
6/29 @ 2:30 am
]
[ mood | tired ]

I had a day off today. I did absolutely nothing. Well, I had a hangover, so I was nursing that. Ehehheheh.

0 cigarettes

[Private] [Wednesday
6/29 @ 2:30 am
]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I've come to a conclusion, even though I hate conclusions. The conclusion is as follows...

My friends are insane.

I ran into Iruka at the store yesterday, when I was picking up beer for my typical night with Shikamaru. Apparently Jiraiya ran off somewhere, and didn't tell Iruka, and now Iruka is questioning his relationship. I felt bad for him, you know? He needs someone to talk to, and all. So I invited him back to my place, figuring that maybe being around people would be fun. Well, we shuts up like a clam when we get in because Shikamaru was sitting on my doorstep. And then he was giving poor Shikamaru evil looks until Shikamaru left. Then Iruka starts talking about Jiraiya again. I should know better than to ask questions when Iruka is talking, because he never answers them. ~_~ He starts telling me how he wants a more secure relationship with Jiraiya... and then only minutes later he's asking me to fool around! And then he's talking about how he's never going to get married or have kids, and... well, okay, I'd had a few beers at that point...But you know how alcohol suddenly makes you more lucid, and you understand everything that's going on? Well, Iruka still didn't make sense to me. I just don't GET his way of thinking about this stuff...

I kind of feel bad for Iruka in this situation, but... I hate to say I can understand why Jiraiya probably doesn't listen to Iruka all that often... because the logic is circular and he can never give you a straightforward answer.

But it just makes me realize even more so that I don't want a relationship. Fuck that. ~_~ I'm glad Shikamaru and I have this arrangement. We play shogi and we fuck. It's great!!! :D And no relationship shit involved.

[Monday
6/27 @ 2:04 am
]
[ mood | curious ]

This arrangement with Shikamaru is going really, really well. I don't think I've played this much shogi before in such a short period of time, haha. He stayed over all weekend, and we had a great time. I've missed spending time with Shikamaru... and we're catching up on each other's lives and whatnot, also. Good times. ^_^

I've perfected my lighterless cigarette-lighting technique. I wonder if there's a point in showing it to anyone.

0 cigarettes

[Private] [Wednesday
6/22 @ 2:39 pm
]
[ mood | content ]

I'm totally making this post private in case anyone has anything to say about what I'm typing.

Shikamaru and I spent all day yesterday playing shougi... which is totally normal. We finished the game, though, and started talking about things... and eventually it came out that Gaara had been questioning him about Temari, and... apparently he wanted to see why Temari was so into him, because then he was all over Shikamaru, and ended up fucking him. I'm not particularly surprised about that... after all, Gaara came on to me, too. He has a nice mouth, that guy. Well, the upshot of all this is that Gaara complimented Shikamaru... and when I pointed that out to him, he seemed kind of surprised. We talked about sex in general for a while... and then I suggested he try being uke... and... well, we had sex. Afterwards, he seemed a little surprised that I was gentle with him... I didn't want to scare him off! That and he's still a former student. I don't want to hurt him.

And the upshot of all this is that Shikamaru and I are going to be getting together for more than just shougi in the future. It's nice to know you can have a casual sex thing going with someone who isn't going to do something like fall in love with you. ::koff:: Kurenai ::koff:: At least I know Shikamaru is too level-headed for that... and besides, he's really not a relationship kind of guy either. This is a good arrangement.

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